longing lark

“For the bodies of those animals whose blood is brought into the holy places by the high priest as a sacrifice for sin are burned outside the camp.  So Jesus also suffered outside the gate in order to sanctify the people through his own blood.  Therefore let us go to him outside the camp and bearing the reproach he endured.  For here we have no lasting city, but we seek the city that is to come.  Through him then let us continually offer up a sacrifice of praise to God, that is, the fruit of lips that acknowledge his name. “

- Hebrews 13:11-15

“The Lord is my shepherd; I shall not want.”

- Psalm 23:1 (shoutout to Janebobo, for the Holy Spirit used your recent post about this Psalm in my own heart.)

This post is about the recent church split within Harvest.  I figured I’d get that out of the way right at the beginning, so you know what you’re getting yourself into. Up to this point I have been silent on the issue here on the Internets, though I have readily shared my opinions in person with those who asked. I know that some (many?) of you who read this still go to Harvest, so I hope that you will not take offense to what I say.

However, you will be relieved to know that this post is not about the issues which led to that split, nor is it about church politics. Instead, it is about me.  Yes, me.  This is my blog after all. 

If I may speak quite honestly…This summer has been extremely difficult. A time of transition in so many ways. Starting full-time work, close friends moving away, etc. That would be unsettling enough by itself. But to have my church family seemingly separated not just into two pieces, but many more - that was something I was not prepared for.

It has taken a toll.  At Harvest I knew I was surrounded by so many good things - solid teaching, close friends, and even ministry structures. These all combined to form a “safe zone.” When times got tough in the past 4 years, I could go to Harvest and find comfort. This is not to say I wasn’t trusting God - but I think one of the means God used most often in my college life to build me up after I was torn down and to comfort me when I needed it was Harvest itself.

And no matter where you find yourself regarding “the issues,” you can see where I’m coming from when I say that the Harvest which had been my safe zone, an instrument God so often used in my life, came to an end this summer. Our pastors stepped down, and at the same time fewer and fewer people showed up on Sundays. Not only that, but debates filled with unwholesome words and thoughts occurred and made for strained relationships and “faction-ing” (note: I was guilty of this at times as well).

Anyway, as the school year begins I have found myself in an uncomfortable place. The Harvest that I was a part of is gone. And neither of the successor states (phrased that way because I’m a history major) is the same as that old Harvest.

And this has bothered me.

Bothered me because I don’t see all you people on Sundays and Fridays anymore; bothered me because I feel distant from many of you who are still in school, while I’m now in the workforce. I’ve struggled to trust God and his sovereignty and good purposes in having this church split occur. Basically, I’m bothered because my comfort zone, Harvest - what I had come to rely on - is no longer present in my life, in the way it had been.

So tonight, I rested upon Psalm 23:1. “The Lord is my shepherd.” What does that mean? It means he provides food; he provides protection. He hems me in, behind and before. As a result, “I shall not want.” There is nothing that I need which my Shepherd cannot provide. In reality, he is the source of comfort. It’s not the fences he sets up.

And somehow my mind jumped to Hebrews 13. In which I am called to “go outside the camp.” My place is not inside the camp, where it’s comfortable. I’m to go outside the camp to join Jesus, where he is. The camp, for me, was the old Harvest. If I had my way, I would have stayed in the camp forever. But God moved me outside the camp, and there’s no way to go back in. So here I am. Redeemer’s Grace Church is outside the camp; so is the new Harvest.

The point of all this is that I now see some of the reason why the Lord has done what he has done (the rest of it is Deuteronomy 29:29 territory). I was never meant to stay inside the camp. So, he removed the camp completely. Here I have no lasting city - so I shouldn’t get comfortable. Eyes on the eternal city.

Oh Lord, I am so weak, so nearsighted. Please give me the boldness, confidence, trust, and faith to make my way to you outside the camp. This is where you are. It’s time for ministry. There are people dying without the gospel; there are brothers and sisters in need. You’ve put them before me; may my focus be upon them, and not upon my own comfort. By your grace, may I forget what lies behind - my sin, my failure, my comfort - and strain to what lies ahead. You are my solid rock and foundation, may it be nothing else.